EMMA GRACE WRITES
Fun Articles
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Say something that means something; write words that engender joy or heartache, breed laughs or tears, or force your audience to think in a way they've never thought before.
The 5 Most Important Things I Learned in College
February 18, 2024
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I loved college. Truly, college was indescribably refreshing for me after the horrors of high school - which, although bad for most teenagers, was amplified by the simple fact that I lived in Ohio. Yeah, I know.
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But I really thought college was going to teach me a lot of factual information that I could then apply in the real world- or, at least, in the workforce. And while I did learn a lot about political science, Spanish, and economics (my three main areas of study), what I learned about most was life. No, really - let me tell you about the five most valuable lessons I learned in my four years of freedom.
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1. You don’t really go to college to learn about biology, or math, or English - you go to learn how to learn. But I’m not even sure how well I did that.
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This philosophy comes straight from my economics teacher, a Catholic priest from Uganda who seriously reformed my entire way of looking at life. One day, as he wrote some messy economics on the board (that literally no one else in the room understood), he asked us an especially daring question for a professor to ask: “Do you think you will ever use this in your career?” We sat silent, fearful, unsure of how to respond to such a clearly trapping question. One unlucky girl made eye contact with the professor, and he pointed to her. She hesitantly peeped, “Maybe?” Of course, this wasn’t the correct response. “NO!” Our professor exclaimed. “Absolutely not. You aren’t here to learn this. You’ll never use this in your life. You are paying for the value added of a college education; you are paying to learn how to learn.”
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2. “You didn’t hear me say this, but… Maybe I don’t actually want to be a strong independent working woman.”
- Emma G. Nelson, an actual quote, junior year of college
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I barreled into college with a clear view of the future Emma G. Nelson: An undeniably sexy and incredibly intelligent young female attorney saving the world from crime with the help of a Harvard Law School degree, some witty legal language, tight pencil skirts, and, occasionally, a blotch of spunky red lipstick. Yet, the more I pushed through undergrad, the more I realized how horribly boring the working world looked to me - and even worse, I realized how dearly my silly little heart wanted to do life things like get married and have babies! Look, I know I can balance being a badass working woman and a great mother - and many women certainly do - but the more I studied, the more I wondered: Was that actually my dream? My dream is to be a writer and a mom, but leading up to my college days (and for my first year of undergrad), I’d allowed myself to believe that pursuing this dream would make me a failure in the real world. It took a lot of time for me to realize that there’s just nothing about the life of a freelance writing young mom that can’t be badass, too.
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3. Don’t get a dog when you are sad. Even if you absolutely love dogs, like me, just don’t do it. Apparently, getting a dog when you are sad is a terrible decision - just as my parents told me about 1000 times before I did it anyways. Look, you’ll pick the cutest, dumbest dog and pay way too much for it. Just don’t do it. But the real lesson here is, sometimes it doesn’t matter how lovingly - or how often - your parents try to teach you something. College is that time of your life when you really do have to discover some things for yourself. And that includes learning things the hard way - like, apparently, you shouldn’t get a dog when you’re sad. Just eat some ice cream to get over the break up, or the fight with your best friend, or the “F” on your exam. Trust me. You’ll be okay.
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Yes, this is the dog I purchased (for none less than $1000 - that I 100% did NOT have to spend). He is very real, and very obnoxious. And yes, he’s a Shih Tzu. I don’t want to hear it.
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4. If you don’t do any work for the group project (or if you do your part at 11:30 PM when it’s due at 11:59), you’re officially the worst type of person. It’s time to get it together - or at least pretend to get it together for the night - so that the rest of us can go to bed, or Buc-ee’s, or literally anywhere else but our computer where we are currently stuck doing your part of the project. Please. I thought this sucked in high school. I was wrong. It is SO much worse in college. Like, didn’t you apply to be here?!
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5. All the things you’ve always wanted in your hometown will arrive as soon as you leave. Apparently, you’re the problem. No, seriously. When I went to college, my town had one Starbucks and one coffee shop (which had been re-bought and renamed multiple times due to its lack of business). There was one park near my house, and it wasn’t nice. There wasn’t a good bar, nor were there any larger chain stores within a 10 mile radius of my house. During my first year out of town, they built three new coffee shops, a waterpark - yes, it’s free - , a massive brewery/restaurant, and an entire shopping center about 5 minutes from my house. Oh, and they even redid the town welcome signs. Hello, shiny silver lettering. But it’s okay, I don’t take it personally; I was just holding the whole town back, I guess.
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Well folks, there you have it. The five most important things I learned in college. I hope you can relate to a few of these, and please, share some of your own lessons in the comments;)! I’d love to hear what you learned during your four+ years of enlightenment.
The Religion of Choice: The Agnostic's Dilemma and the Atheist's Denial
March 17, 2024
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I don’t write to make anyone angry, but I also don’t write to keep everyone happy. What a boring page this would be if I never said anything real - and, frankly, much that is “real” in today’s world is also controversial, which is bound to ruffle some feathers.
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The beauty of the Substack experiment, or further still, the beauty behind the entire “free press” concept, is the opportunity to say what one wants without the murderous or extreme physical repercussions typical of human history. Yet if the free press is granted to every writer, then we are of course allowing ourselves and our work to be criticized, torn apart, even stripped naked and attacked head-on. That is the price we must pay for the freedom to speak, support, and ourselves attack the words we hear, read, and write. Somewhat fearfully, I’m allowing for that in today’s piece.
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Today I’m discussing an especially sensitive topic - religion - through the lens of our modern-day obsession with agnosticism and atheism. It is somewhat taboo today, at least in some places, to be deeply religious. If you’re a white Christian, you’re racist, or a “Karen,” or, better still, a hypnotically blind follower of the modern-day religion of the murderous Crusaders. If you’re an Arab Muslim, you’re ostensibly not a terrorist, and yet, you also ostensibly are a terrorist (how confusing!). If you practice a small, native religion (in virtually any nation), to some you must be “Satanic” - but to others, you aren’t Satanic, but surely deluded. Yet, of course, the “delusion” you are accused of cannot stop you from being “respected” for your outside-the-box individuality!
Please hear me when I say that my point here is not that any of these beliefs about different religions (of course, there are countless more religions and opinions on religions that are left unmentioned here) are right or wrong or are my personal beliefs. My point is that it is truly difficult to discuss religion today without offending someone - in fact, if you’re offended now, I’ve already made my first point. I sure hope I’ve not yet crossed that bridge.
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I’m also not here to discuss the accuracy or inaccuracy of any particular religion (or any particular belief regarding a religion). I am here to discuss the shockingly strict religion of the agnostic, and the even more dogmatic religion of the atheist. An agnostic may declare themselves to be areligious - not completely opposed to the idea of religion, sometimes even self-identifying as “somewhat spiritual.” Some state that they believe in “something more,” usually referring to either a smoky, snake-like spirit who floats through the air and slithers in and out of our lives, or a semi-creator who sits outside of our world without intervention - essentially, a man who got a woman pregnant and ran off to attend to whatever affairs he finds more appealing.
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The stress of the agnostic religion is that it leaves a person open to an overwhelming, never-ending stream of choices. Many agnostics are agnostic because they are uncomfortable with the idea of choosing something concrete - of “identifying” themselves with a belief system, of being forced to obey a set of rules imposed upon them by the fear of eternal suffering, of becoming the blind follower of some tyrannical religious oligarchy. I find that there is something ironic in the fears of the agnostic - the agnostic prides himself on his freedom of choice, the supposed freedom to do whatever he wants whenever he wants and the option to leave his options open. Yet, the agnostic becomes somewhat trapped in his “freedom.” If the agnostic makes a definitive religious choice, he believes he will be permanently enslaved, so the agnostic doesn’t choose. He floats, he lives, he may even consume more and more material about religions. Alternatively, he may ignore religious signals and faith-based notions for fear of finding truth in a religion.
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The agnostic can do anything he wants to on this earth except choose a religion - for to choose a religion would be to give up the freedom to do whatever he desires. But the agnostic believes there may be a god or correct religious system out there - thus, theoretically, it should be the agnostic’s top priority to sort out his religious beliefs. If there’s a religion and he’ll suffer eternally for lack of following it, and the agnostic truly believes this may be possible, the only sensical thing to do would be to drop everything else to wade through the heretical religions to find and follow that correct set of beliefs - right?
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This is the religion of the agnostic. It is confusing and somewhat nonsensical, but it is the religion which most people settle into during the course of their lives. But now I must address the still stranger religion of the atheist.
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Before I discuss the atheistic religion, I must make a vital distinction between the true atheist and what I will refer to as the “agnostic atheist.” The true atheist is the one who understands the difference between agnosticism and atheism and still opts to identify as an atheist. The true atheist understands that he would be more of an agnostic if he believed there may be a god out there, if he considered himself “somewhat spiritual,” or if he’s not a “religious person” but is actively searching for a religious or faith-based identity. The true atheist chooses to identify as an atheist because he truly believes that there is no god, no spiritual realm or additional religious element(s) to the world (Anselm would turn over in his grave - or, perhaps, laugh from heaven!). The agnostic atheist is the person who is not set in these beliefs - he believes that there may be something more, perhaps a spiritual element to our world or a god of some kind. However, he does not understand or is uneducated about agnosticism and thus ignorantly refers to himself as an atheist.
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The true atheist (as defined above) has adopted a still stricter belief system than the agnostic or the ignorant “agnostic atheist.” He is so deeply convinced that there is no god or religious truth, so sure that religion is all a bunch of nonsense, that he has chosen to identify himself as completely nonreligious (and, often, decidedly anti-religious as well). Like the agnostic, the atheist considers himself an agent of free choice - but, ironically, his choice to declare himself an atheist has stripped from him his ability to choose to believe in anything except that which he has already chosen - that there is definitively no god or spiritual reality. Better still is the religion of the atheist who is outspoken about the absolute correctness of atheism. This true atheist has declared himself the utmost authority on all things - in fact, he is so sure that his limited mind is unlimited that he can assert to the entire world that they are simply foolish for their beliefs in any religion. If he is wrong, he has successfully damned himself (and perhaps led to the damning of countless others), and if he is right, he will rot in the grave - but everyone will know he was right! Until, of course, they also find themselves six feet under.
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How exhausting it must be to waste one’s energy convincing others that they are blind followers of gods who aren’t real! If this life is all there is, as the atheist believes, why does he care that others agree with him? Why doesn’t he spend his limited time doing whatever fun things he desires to do - why is it that he desires, more than anything else, to convince his fellow man that they, too, must join him in his absolute correctness? This is the deepest fear of the atheist: he cannot stand alone, just in case he is wrong - so he entices others to join him, to validate his beliefs. If it is real (although he is quite certain it is not), eternal damnation cannot be his alone to bear.